My Week In {First World Problems}

The secret to happiness is knowing you're happy. 

It's a special midlife crisis edition of First World Problems!

So, in response to my acknowledgement of my current midlife crisis, I am constantly being told that I'm too young to be having said midlife crisis. That of course, begs two questions. Namely, a) how old do you think I am? and b) how long do you expect me to live? Because like it or not I can't be more than a smidgen early for mine.

So to that end I've been doing some interesting things. Which brings us to this week. Nothing terribly exciting happened. I worked. I ran some errands. I went to the dentist. I paid someone to repeatedly jam an inky needle into my eye...

OK, not in my eye. Just below my eye. Because my midlife crisis told me that Living Social deal for permanent eyeliner was a great idea. Earlier in midlife crisis news I had bought a Living Social deal for permanent eyebrows and had a wonderful experience. (Seriously, two weeks straight of people telling me I was pretty every day.) I thought this would be the same thing.

Except it wasn't. Not even a little. To start with I have no tattoos so I have nothing to compare the makeup experience to as far as procedure and pain. (Well, I used to not have tattoos. I suppose now I'm covered in face tattoos...) My eyebrows weren't exactly pleasurable, but they didn't hurt except for a little sting here and there. My eyeliner? Oh dear Lord, it hurt so much. I'm not quite sure why I didn't cry like a baby the entire time. (I think I was trying to pretend I was tough. I'm not.) The eyeliner was done using the "soft tap" method, which is basically the same as those tribal tats that make grown men cry and pass out according to what I've heard thanks to National Geographic.

But after it was over one would think all is well, right? I mean, I didn't cry. I didn't pass out. We're good. Except...well...not so much. I completely understand that there is a healing process that needs to happen. (And to be honest it already looks better.) But ohemgheeeeee...it doesn't look good. At all. I got two nice red bruises under my left eye. I am totally swollen. And the eyeliner? It looked like a thick streak of Sharpie marker under each eye.

If there were other issues during the week I don't recall them. Because I'm pretty much focused on my self-indulgent suffering for vanity. And for now I'll just keep reminding myself...it will fade and shrink. It will fade and shrink. It will face and shrink...